broken promise

I made a promise, to myself. I promised to tell this man, one whom I love, that I loved him. I failed. I didn't do it. I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right. I do love him, and maybe one day he'll know, but I couldn't verbalize it. I couldn't voice it. It literally got caught in my throat.

Part of my rationalization is that he knew. He knows he isn't like everyone else. He knows I am more willing to do for him, than I am for others. He knows he stands ahead of the crowd and in the front of my mind.

I took a cop-out and text'ed him. I hid the 3 words amidst some random phrases. Blah blah blah blah I love you blah blah blah. That somewhat let me off the hook.

I felt like "what's the point". I mean really, I say it, then what. He leaves, he walks away, and the words hang in the air.

I fear I will blurt it out at a random time. "How's the weather there? I love you!", then have to divert attention away from the verbal landmine.

I don't know if I'm more disappointed that I broke a promise to myself or that I couldn't do this task. It seems simple right. "I Love You."

"I Love You"

"I Love You"

"I Love You"

"I Love You."

"I Love You."