A Tale of Two Cynics

From: Cynical Cindy* [mailto:cynic.chick@undiclosed.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 8:42 AM
To: Skeptical Susie*
Subject: RE: Cross to Bear

I definitely understand how you feel. I kind of feel the same way. I mean am willing to move to be with him, but it can’t be that just one of us wants this, we both have to want it. Love is not enough to make it happen. No matter how strongly I may feel, or how much I may want it, it means nothing if he doesn’t feel the same. I talked to him right after he moved, like a day after he got home, I haven’t talked to him since then.

I told Pollyanna* the other day, I’m so over being in love. It doesn’t seem to mean much.

From: Skeptical Susie [mailto:sk_susie@undisclosed.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 8:51 AM
To: Cynical Cindy
Subject: RE: Cross to Bear

Exactly. It’s exhausting! I’m so emotionally unavailable right now, and it pisses me off that the only person I am invested in emotionally and actually have feelings for is someone who I don’t even talk to. I struggle with whether I even believe in real love, if it’s something I want, or if it is even something I’m capable of. I guess that’s why I have just been focusing finding happiness in being alone. Every man in my life is disposable. If I never talked to them ever again, it wouldn’t even faze me. I feel bad that I use people for food and to have free fun, but I continue to do it. As soon as someone shows that they are getting feelings, I back off and they make me irritable from that point on. I wanted to curse Nice Guy #3* out last night because he called me and was talking about he missed me and he really wanted to come see me before I left. It literally pissed me off and I hung up on him. I know he thinks I’m losing my mind, but I can’t help it. I think I need counseling. I just don’t want to pay for it.

From: Cynical Cindy [mailto:cynic.chick@undiclosed.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 8:57 AM
To: Skeptical Susie
Subject: RE: Cross to Bear

I want to say it works, but I think it works only if it’s the right people. Mainly everyone I know in a relationship or married settled in some sort. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Now they may feel like they are with the person they are meant to be with, but I don’t see it. All I can see are the manufactured circumstances that made two people say “I do”. I know how awful that sounds, but again it’s true. Who do we know, genuinely fell in love with each other and then proceeded to grow in that? That’s what I want, but it seems to be non-existent.

From: Skeptical Susie [mailto:sk_susie@undisclosed.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 9:09 AM
To: Cynical Cindy
Subject: RE: Cross to Bear

I know!!!!! That is so true!!! I think about that all the time. That’s why my view of relationships is so warped and it’s so discouraging. You put that so eloquently- “manufactured circumstances” is exactly what it is. That’s why you are the writer. :-) I do not know anyone who has the type of relationship that is like what I would want or how I would want my relationship to evolve. Especially since most of the young people I know that are married, never really had a life on their own to even grow and get to know themselves. All the old people seem to be together just because they have put in all the time. It’s soooo discouraging!!! Those people on those eHarmony commercials make me sick!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.