the other night...

I prayed myself to sleep. I was faced with insomnia, which happens when I have a lot on my mind/heart. I didn't pray for love, or a husband or wealth. I prayed for healing. See I had been praying that things would work itself out and return to normal, but I got final confirmation, that what once was, wouldn't be again. So I swallowed the pain, which is what I tend to do. And instead of sending flailing random prayers because I couldn't decide what I wanted (friends, leave me alone, boyfriend, etc), and instead of saying I want God's will when I really want my own, I just prayed to be healed. I prayed that my heart would be made whole again and to not let this take the little bit of hope I do have. And I prayed it over and over and over and over and over and over, until finally I drifted off, and when I awoke, I felt much much better.